Most couples who call after an affair are not asking "how do we fix this." They are asking "is there anything here to fix." That is the right question, and it deserves an honest process rather than a pep talk.
Here is what we know from the research and from doing this work. Couples who recover from infidelity do not do it by moving on quickly. They do it by getting the whole truth on the table once, letting the betrayed partner's pain be the center of the room for as long as it needs to be, and then rebuilding trust through behavior over months, not through promises over a weekend. Gottman's trust-revival research describes it as atone, attune, attach, in that order. Skipping the first step is why most self-directed attempts fail.
How we structure it
Assessment. We meet with you together and separately in the first two or three sessions. The person who broke trust needs to be honest with us about whether the affair was a one-time event or part of a pattern, because those are different treatments. The betrayed partner needs a place to say what they actually feel without managing anyone else's reaction.
Disclosure. If there is more the betrayed partner doesn't know, we prepare a formal therapeutic disclosure so it comes out once, completely, in a supported setting. Trickle-truth (small admissions over weeks) is the single most re-traumatizing thing that happens in these situations, and we build the process specifically to prevent it.
Repair, or a clear ending. From there, work on empathy, transparency, and rebuilding attachment. Some couples do this and rebuild something sturdier than what they had. Some do the work honestly and decide to separate well. Both are legitimate outcomes, and we will not steer you toward one.
Faith matters to many of the couples we see. We integrate it where you want it, without using it to pressure either of you toward premature forgiveness.
Who you'll work with
Spencer Posey, LMFT, CSAT, and Adam Jelloian, LMFT. Offices in Westlake Village; Spencer is also in Ventura one day a week; telehealth throughout California.
Start with a 15-minute call
Spencer Posey, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, LMFT #141641, CSAT · Adam Jelloian, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, LMFT #130755 · Abide Counseling Collective, Westlake Village, CA. This page is educational and does not constitute therapy. No therapist-client relationship is formed by reading it. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
Session rate $225. Superbills provided for out-of-network reimbursement.