How Do You Choose a Marriage Counselor in Westlake Village When Trust Has Been Broken?

By Spencer Posey, LMFT #141641, specializing in couples therapy, infidelity recovery, and trust rebuilding.

Choosing a marriage counselor in Westlake Village comes down to finding someone whose training fits what your marriage is actually carrying. If betrayal, an affair, or compulsive sexual behavior is part of the picture, you want a clinician trained in both trauma and couples work. At Abide Counseling Collective, our infidelity therapy grows out of the conviction that marriages can be repaired and that both partners deserve care that tells the truth. We serve couples in Westlake Village in person and by telehealth across California.

What should I actually look for in a marriage counselor?

Look for licensure, relevant training, and a clear way of working with the specific strain your marriage carries. In California, marriage and family therapists are licensed by the Board of Behavioral Sciences, and that license should be current and verifiable. Beyond the credential, ask whether the counselor has training in trauma, affairs, or whatever brought you in.

A counselor who works mainly with communication tune-ups may not be the right fit when there has been betrayal, hidden behavior, or a rupture in basic safety. Those situations call for someone who understands that the betrayed partner is carrying trauma, and who can hold accountability and compassion at the same time. Both of our clinicians at Abide Counseling Collective hold California LMFT licenses, and Adam Jelloian brings EMDR and trauma-focused training to that work.

What questions should I ask before I commit?

Ask about the counselor's training, how they structure the first few sessions, their fee, and what therapeutic modality they base their work with their clients on. A short phone call before any paperwork is one way to get these answers without a financial commitment. You are allowed to ask direct questions and to notice how you feel in the conversation.

We offer a 15-minute phone consult as a first step, and we reply the same business day, often within a few hours. No intake paperwork is required until you decide to move forward. Ask how the counselor thinks about affairs or compulsive behavior specifically, since general couples training and specialized trust-repair work are different things. You might also ask what happens if you and your spouse want different things from counseling, because that gap is common early on.

How does a counselor help rebuild trust after betrayal?

Rebuilding trust tends to happen through structure, honesty, and repeated experiences of responsiveness. Many counselors who work with betrayal draw on attachment-informed couples approaches that help partners interrupt harmful cycles, voice underlying emotions, and respond to each other in ways that slowly disconfirm the fear that the relationship is unsafe.

Emotionally Focused Therapy, developed by Sue Johnson out of attachment theory, was designed to help couples identify those cycles and build a more secure bond. Research continues to refine how this change occurs. Ella and Bar-Kalifa (2026) describe a model in which vulnerable disclosures, met with a partner's empathy inside a "reconsolidation window," can reshape "memories of past relational experiences" and the beliefs attached to them. For marriages where compulsive sexual behavior is involved, Patrick Carnes' task-based model offers a structured path through acknowledgment, boundaries, repair, and rebuilding. Some couples find that the Gottman Method's work on friendship and transparency supports gradual repair as well. We may use Carnes' framework, sometimes alongside Internal Family Systems, when sexual behavior is part of the picture.

What if my spouse and I are at different places?

It is common for one partner to want counseling urgently while the other hesitates, or for the betrayed partner to need stability before any joint work begins. A good counselor can meet that difference honestly rather than forcing everyone into the same pace. Sometimes individual support runs alongside couples sessions.

Attachment patterns shape how each person enters this work. Morgan and Woodin (2026), studying 96 mixed-sex couples, found that attachment anxiety was linked to conflict withdrawal and hostility indirectly through emotional flooding, the sense of being overwhelmed during conflict. That finding points to why tending to emotion regulation matters before couples try to solve the hardest things. For the betrayed partner specifically, trauma-focused care matters, and approaches such as EMDR, developed by Francine Shapiro, were created to help people process distressing memories and the beliefs tied to them. For men working to rebuild after betrayal, we offer Rebuild, a 16-week course paired with individual therapy.

How do counseling fees and confidentiality work here?

At Abide Counseling Collective, sessions are $225 for a 50 minute session. Extended sessions or intensives are availble upon request. We do not bill insurance directly, but we provide a superbill you can submit for out-of-network reimbursement, and a Good Faith Estimate is available on request. Your confidentiality is protected under California law and HIPAA.

We do not contact a client's spouse, employer, or church. Confidentiality in couples work has its own contours, and we talk those through plainly at the start so that both partners understand how information is handled. If you are in Westlake Village or anywhere in California, telehealth makes consistent sessions possible even with a demanding schedule. If you are ever in crisis between sessions, you can reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by call or text, 24/7, and the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health maintains access lines for county residents, which includes Westlake Village.

Common questions

How long does marriage counseling after an affair take? There is no fixed timeline, and honest counselors avoid promising one. Trust rebuilding depends on the depth of the breach, both partners' engagement, and whether other issues are present. Some couples work for several months, others longer. Structured approaches can give the process shape without setting a guaranteed end date.

Do both spouses have to attend every session? Not necessarily. There are benefits to both. Allowing the conflicts to arise in session between both partners is useful for Therapists who prioritize identifying how the system of the relationship works and where the couple can focus their time to dismantle their systems. Alternatively, other couples benefit from a mix of joint sessions and individual support, especially early on when the betrayed partner may need their own stability first. We can talk through what structure fits your situation during the initial consult rather than assuming one format for everyone.

Is faith part of the counseling here? Yes. Our work is grounded in the gospel and in the conviction that marriages can be repaired and people restored. That framework shapes how we hold truth, accountability, and compassion together. The clinical tools we use serve that foundation, and we speak about it plainly so you know what you are entering.

Can we start by phone before committing? Yes. We offer a 15-minute phone consult with no intake paperwork required until you decide to proceed. You can ask about training, approach, and fees, and notice whether the conversation feels workable. We reply the same business day, often within a few hours.

Spencer Posey, LMFT #141641 | Abide Counseling Collective | https://abidecounselingcollective.com/ This content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or a therapeutic relationship.