Couples therapy at Abide

You do not have to be deciding whether to leave to ask for help. Sometimes you are having the same argument every week. Sometimes you have stopped arguing and barely talk about anything beyond the calendar. You may still love each other and feel unsure how to get close again.

Couples therapy is a place to look carefully at what happens between you. Not to decide who is the better partner, and not to give you a list of communication rules you already know but cannot use when you are upset. We work with the moments where things go wrong, so both of you can understand the pattern and practice responding differently.

What we draw on

Our training in PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy) informs how we pay attention to attachment, the nervous system, and what happens between partners in real time. The words matter, but so do the shift in your face, the change in your tone, and the moment one of you stops feeling safe enough to listen. We help you notice those moments and learn how to respond with care rather than automatically defend or withdraw.

We also draw on Gottman training to support the everyday work of a relationship: strengthening friendship, handling conflict, making repairs when you hurt each other, and staying interested in each other's inner life. The goal is not to eliminate every disagreement. It is to be able to disagree without losing respect or leaving one partner alone with the work of reconnecting.

How we work together

We start by understanding your relationship, what each of you wants to change, and what you have already tried. That includes your strengths, your history, and the ways you learned to handle closeness and conflict before you met. We also assess whether working together is appropriate and safe. If fear, coercion, or violence is part of the relationship, we address safety and discuss the right kind of support rather than treating it as a communication problem.

Sessions give you room to talk, but we will also slow an interaction down when the familiar pattern shows up. You might practice making a direct request, staying present when your partner is upset, or returning to a conversation after it has gone badly. The point is for something to change at home, not just for the hour in our office to go well.

We support couples navigating recurring conflict, emotional distance, intimacy concerns, parenting differences, and the strain of life transitions. Faith can be part of the work at the level you both want. We will not use it to silence a concern or pressure either of you into pretending things are fine.

If an affair or sexual betrayal is the main reason you are seeking help, our infidelity recovery work offers a more focused process for disclosure and trust repair. We also offer individual support for betrayed partners. You do not need to know which service fits before calling.

Who you'll work with

Adam Jelloian, LMFT, and Spencer Posey, LMFT, CSAT. We will talk with you about the right fit for your relationship. Our office is in Westlake Village, with telehealth available throughout California.

Start with a 15-minute call